It's Over

I've expressed plenty of introspection on why my particular fetish arose. I understand where it came from and why it grew. And if I could sum it up in a single word, it would be "misunderstanding." Human beings are sexual even before puberty. And because of their extremely young age, children can become sexually confused. While I do believe that genetic abnormalities can arise that make someone homosexual, something that goes way beyond choice, a fetish isn't genetic but simply a misconception that happens at a vulnerable, impressionable time.

Any guy who has a fetish for tights has a very strong impression of the tights having a feminine identity. When you wear a pair of footless running tights made for male athletes, do you find yourself reacting the same way?  I suspect 99% of the time not. Take a pair of footed tights and enclose them in male oriented packaging and the power of the fetish dissipates into nothing.

I went through a phase during this past winter of wearing tights underneath my pants whenever I could. What I found was that most of the time I was not only conscious of wearing them, I was often uncomfortable. Because the extra warmth is welcome while walking outside in severely cold weather, but it's a bother when you're indoors. Not only that, because of how the waistbands are typically constructed on women's tights, they often roll over (because men's waists aren't as contoured as women's) and make them a pain to deal with.

What I eventually began to discover is that I wasn't happy wearing them under my pants. And as I began to get more in touch with how this whole thing started off as a "misunderstanding", I couldn't escape the idea of reframing how I see it.  I had an epiphany.  To clear it all up and reset to a "proper" understanding.

It has been a month now and I'm happy to report that I'm there. Tights are just fabric. A skin tight garment that covers the lower half of the body as a mode of fashion for women. It works for them, and no wonder why as they're so popular. They don't work for men based on male clothing styles. I think guys in shorts with tights clad legs showing look ridiculous. The only "plausible" use I can see is as a sleep garment on very chilly nights. They actually can help in that way. Otherwise...

So I'm done. The cycle is over. It took a while... longer than I would have liked. But in a number of ways I feel freed from something that distressed me for far too long (worrying about having this "aberration" and having to deal with fear of rejection). Time to move on.  And with that, this blog is done.  Thank you for reading and best of luck!

Where did you go?

I'll bet that this is a very frequent occurrence.  Someone starts a blog and keeps it going for a time, then suddenly drops off, leaving the followers wondering what happened to the author.  In some cases, blogs end up abandoned or eventually pulled by the hosting service as an inactive account (hard disk space is cheap, but a little bit added up over time makes a difference).

I had actually considered abandoning this blog.  Why?  Because I felt I had pretty much achieved my objective.  I wanted to write a diary about my tights experience starting from the very beginning, and comb through all of my memories about it as a therapeutic exercise.  It actually helped, quite a bit in fact. It was certainly a trip down memory lane. I put myself in touch with some memories I had left dormant for several decades. But it was also enjoyable too. I can look back on myself with amusement of how I struggled but also how I enjoyed wearing tights and the way I developed the interest over time.  When I was a pre-teen, I never ever thought that I'd find myself still wearing tights several decades later, not to mention having several super stretchy neck to toe Lycra unitards, but also come to see tights "opened up" as an athletic garment for men (outside of ballet).

If I were to abandon it, all of this work would be lost.  A site like this won't likely be captured by the "Way Back Machine" website (the "Internet Archive"), and in fact I checked--it isn't there.  So it would be a good idea to try keeping it alive.

I don't have a lot of followers... 8 in total as of this writing.  Only a few have written to me, expressing gratitude or sharing similar perspectives. But it's amazing to see how I seem to get hundreds of views every week, with a grand total of over 26,000 page view hits since the blog began under a year ago. Well, I do hope it never goes viral--that would be embarrassing! But I do have compassion for those people who have gone down a similar road as me, and how my writings may help them in one way or another.

So my intention is to keep it going.


On a side note, it's interesting to see what else is out there, in terms of guys writing about the interest of wearing tights. While the down economy put a major hole in the "male tights" garment category (the major European hosiery maker Gerbe has dropped all of their men's tights products), there are still plenty of guys buying them from other makers.  And a number of blogs continue to push forward, documenting the interest and even posting reviews of tights.

Do a simple "hosiery for men" Google search and immediately you will find hits for sites that sell tights for men, as well as blogs about the subject. Two blogs I immediately noticed are "Hosiery for Men" and "Tights for Men" (I won't link them here for privacy reasons, but do a search and you'll find them).  While the former is quite active with tons of reviews of tights made for both women and men, the latter appears to be inactive but having amassed quite a lot of content. I was actually impressed with the tights reviews published on both sites.  Lots of helpful tips in finding good quality tights for yourself, whether you're a man or a woman.  :-)

A stitch in time and a run can change your mind

In my last post, I brought up some ideas as to why a tights fetish can develop and perpetuate.  Of course this was a generalization, not a rule, as each person is different.  We all have our own unique psychological makeup that drives us, defines our needs, and affects the way we see things.

Some of us continue to carry shame for the fetish, while others embrace it or even try to ignore it.  In the end, what is most important is to find peace.  Sometimes finding that peace means making a sacrifice.  What do I mean?

Well, let's say you have grown to adore wearing tights and can't imagine never wearing them ever again (for sexual interest).  The sacrifice would be losing relationship possibilities.  While it's easy for someone to say "A woman with a loving and open mind will accept this as part of who I am," the fact is that most women will find it strange and difficult to accept.  Why?  Because it's a threat in two ways:  1) Sexual identity ("my man is showing a feminine side too prominently--maybe he secretly wants to be a woman or has gay tendencies?"), and 2) Sexual mistrust ("Maybe he finds this fetish more satisfying than me?").  Despite verbal reassurances to the contrary, once the perception is set it is very hard to uproot it.

On the other hand, the other sacrifice is to "mute" the fetish desire and try putting it behind you, in favor of keeping the risk out of relationships.  If you have a strong satisfying sexual relationship with a woman, that could overshadow whatever joy you got from the fetish, allowing you to try "disowning" it.  But the mind is a tricky thing.  There may come a day when you're separated from your girlfriend or wife for a long period, or happen to a see a woman wearing tights in a very sexy way that conjures up old feelings that beg to be satisfied.

Taking a moment to pause -- and ask why

[... I realize it has been a while since I've written.  Life has been a bit complicated on my side, and so priorities pushed this little blog into the corner, under a pile of debris.  But, as you can see I've returned, if only for a moment ...]

At this point, I feel like I want to wrap things up here.  From the details of my last post, there is a lot of repetition.  I date, the tights get tucked away, I stop dating and the tights come out.  Wash, rinse, and repeat... tumble dry.

So, I'd like to take a moment to reflect a bit upon my tights fetish.  Not only about why I have it, but why other guys have it as well.  I think each of us have our own unique story, with some closely paralleled to others. I've gone over my story in rather significant detail here.  I did not leave that much out (only what I considered repetitious or irrelevant).

Here's my take on a few reasons why us guys have a tights fetish:

1. Sexual intimacy with the female sex, in a safe and controlled way
2. Sexual excitement purely by the tactile sensation
3. Desire to momentarily be the opposite sex

I believe that the first reason is the most common one.  There's no question that tights worn for fashion has a strong female association.  An article closely identified with the opposite sex has a gender assignment.  Wearing it is in essence getting close to the opposite sex.  It is a very intimate and sensual garment. What tights do more uniquely than any other feminine garment is to completely snugly encase the lower half of the body and apply pressure to the groin.  In a way, it's a sensual thing feeling a snug enclosure from something feminine, almost like being "swallowed".  On top of this, the tights material simply feels very good against the skin.

Moving on...

[Carol and I continued to date for almost two years, and I did not seek to involve hosiery in our intimate moments.  I completely stopped wearing tights or unitards.  It was as if the fetish never existed for me.

All good things eventually come to an end.  I wasn't planning on that happening with Carol.  But somehow we were just in different places.  I wasn't ready to settle down, but for her the clock was ticking.  And so we parted ways.  Because we worked at the same place, it was tough having to run into each other nearly every day.  Eventually I changed jobs and moved out of state.]

It was a bit stressful being in a whole new place, with only one friend nearby.  The new job was a mixed situation as well.  While I felt very competent at what I was tasked to do, I was faced with a clique situation and I found it increasingly difficult to "win over" my co-workers.  They were a pretty tight knit little group.  I eventually transferred to another group in the company and that worked out much better.  Dating wise, there weren't any real prospects.  Most of the women at work were married, or in a serious relationship.  Those that weren't were not desirable to me.

In retrospect, I wish I'd had a lot more self confidence.  I was terrible with the club and bar dating scene, about the only venue I knew of to meet women.  I'd made some new friends at work and this was all they knew as well.  I tried to branch out and take some classes in the arts, in hope of meeting up with women in the "real world", but nothing came of that.

I still had a lot of boxes I'd not yet gone through at home, so I figured it was time to cut through them and get it over with.  Some boxes didn't have labels on them and so I left those for last.  Eventually when I got into them, I found one having a zip up duffel bag inside.  When opening that up, I found a tied off garbage bag.  And then inside that... a large collection of tights and unitards.  It was strange to see them again.  I felt oddly detached and yet was keenly aware of how I used to feel about them.  The red footed lycra tights stood out among the rest.  Touching them, I was curious to know if they would feel any different this time around.  So, I slipped them on...

New possibilities, to indulge or not

Now that my girlfriend knew of my fetish, the next thing was... what do I do now?  Did confessing mean I could now wear them in front of her?  Would she be alright knowing when I'm wearing them under my trousers?  Would she be open to the idea of wearing them together when we're indulging in foreplay?

The first step I took was to put them on in front of her while I would be getting dressed for work, completely covered by trousers except for my ankles.  She would make a few glances my way and smile at me when our eyes met.  She actually thought I looked good in them.  And I absolutely loved watching her slip into pantyhose, something she did often for her work "uniform".

The most dreaded fear and revelation

[Fast forward another couple of years...]

* * * * * * * *

At this point, I have amassed a collection of five unitards and about a dozen tights.  Some of the tights are from dance wear suppliers, so they're thick Lycra and seamed on the legs.  But most are women's tights that I've been able to buy from department stores.  There were plenty of trials and failures of buying tights that looked like they'd work out, but then I'd be sorely disappointed by the quality or the fit.  Eventually I found a couple of brands that actually fit me OK.  I started wearing them more often, like in bed and under my clothes.

But unfortunately, insecurity still lurked in the back of my mind.  I wasn't really afraid of rejection at this point, if I'd managed to get caught by a girlfriend (like her rummaging through a box or drawer of mine and finding the tights and unitards).  I feared that my indulgence with the tights was robbing me of my masculinity.   That while I wasn't dating, all of my "bonding" with the nylon stretchiness was forging a stronger tie.

Then I met Carol.

We were working together at the same office and finding that we have a lot in common.  She was rather cute, but engaged to be married, so this was a perfect opportunity to have a platonic girlfriend.  I hadn't had one in a long while.  It's tough with men and women... you need a special dynamic to have a friendship without a sexual angle.  They say that one or both people in a male/female relationship will have an attraction for the other person on a subconscious level, that with the right circumstances can be brought to the surface.  That's why you can be friends with someone for a good stretch, then one day you kind of "wake up" and realize that you're really attracted to them.  Well, with an official acknowledgement of intended betrothal, there was every good reason not to think about attraction.  She wasn't my "ideal" girlfriend.  And, there were other girls at work I was attracted to.  Funny enough, when I confided in Carol that I was attracted to Cindy, a statuesque brunette with super model looks, she sought to become her friend.  Cindy had a boyfriend who was a muscle head.  Of course, right?  But, from what I began to learn from Carol was that she wasn't happy with him.  He took her for granted and was outright rude at times.  Cindy was becoming ambivalent about staying with him.  That's why I decided to make my move. I invited her out to lunch.