Well...
My last post was almost 13 years ago. A lot has happened since then.
In a bungled manner of trying to erase some of my past that I didn't want anyone to know about, I had deleted my records of this account... so I couldn't remember my password, or even the email address I'd used. It was essentially "locked out." Years later, on a lark, I stumbled upon a page in my encrypted password manager that I'd overlooked. And there, in code, were my credentials. So now I was able to sign in.
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It's November 2025.
In my last entry, January of 2013, I'd declared that my fetish was over. That I'd conquered it. Freed myself. And actually, for a time it seemed that I did. I planned a multi-step approach to purging my hosiery collection. I would immediately toss out my least adored hosiery, the cheap stuff. And then the tights that were in very good shape but hardly worn, I dropped them off in a clothing donation bin. But, I kept my favorites. Was it like the alcoholic that has been sober for a solid few months and had tossed out all his liquor except for some he'd save for guests? Or for the hope of a future time when he'd be able to sip a little and not fall off the wagon? Part of me actually thought that if I ended up in a relationship with a rather tall woman, and she appreciated hosiery, I might gift her my collection.
Well, as luck would have it, my relationship front had gone dry. I realized that having reached a certain age that my odds of finding someone I'm compatible with was really low. And frankly, I'd been coming across so many women with fixations and issues that I saw little hope of acclimating to. You can never expect to enter a relationship with the hope of changing the other person for the better (as you see it). I was dealt a good hand in the beginning of life. A white male from an upper middle class family with good physique, good looks, and a creative mind. But I just kept missing the target. I did end up in 3 serious relationships that reached the point of engagement or ending. One lasted nearly 3 years. But, it just didn't work out on my end. After the last one where I'd had such high hopes, I was devasted. And I took a long break to reset myself. Yet, as I tried to move forward, every time I found a woman I was excited about, she was already with someone else. I wasn't looking for perfection. No, just a pleasant looking nicely grounded smart woman (and not neurotic) who can appreciate me and work together as equal partners in life. So far I've failed to find her. My optimism is at an all time low.
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At this point, I was growing tired of feeding my sexual urges with porn. It was becoming routine, boring, and unfulfilling. And after reaching orgasm, what is there? Nothing.
My black nylon zippered shoulder bag holding the remainder of my tights collection came up in my mind. And I decided, eventually, to go back to it. The pleasure is far more fulfilling, because there's a definite tactile sensation and feeling. It's not just "rub one out" and be done. In fact, I find I can just lay in bed feeling the excitement and not releasing. It's--better than the alternative for now.
I haven't completely given up on relationships. I am looking to do more in the way of public meetups. Online dating just absolutely sucks, as least it has, for me. But until then? I'm at least getting some solace with my old fetish that was just waiting for me to return.
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Where do I go from here? I don't know. Maybe I'll post a little about my collection. What has appealed to me and what hasn't. I was actually for most of my time with the fetish only interested in very opaque tights. Sheer was just not appealing. But, what about in between? Well, most very opaque tights are 70+ denier. And they're an insulating kind of garment. So wearing them in bed eventually becomes uncomfortable. Especially when moving around (they tend to shift). I found that semi-opaque hosiery with a bit of a sheen to them have more glide and won't shift much, as well as breathe a bit better. And actually, the tactile feel, especially with nice quality textiles, can be even more enjoyable. Over the years, I had picked up a few pairs that are about 40 and 50 denier, which I simply wasn't wearing much. And now, with my return, I'm finding more "synergy" with them vs. the very opaque ones.
Anyway that's about all I have to say for now. I'll try to follow up in due time. If anyone is still following and watching, that's for listening. :-)
