In my last post, I brought up some ideas as to why a tights fetish can develop and perpetuate. Of course this was a generalization, not a rule, as each person is different. We all have our own unique psychological makeup that drives us, defines our needs, and affects the way we see things.
Some of us continue to carry shame for the fetish, while others embrace it or even try to ignore it. In the end, what is most important is to find peace. Sometimes finding that peace means making a sacrifice. What do I mean?
Well, let's say you have grown to adore wearing tights and can't imagine never wearing them ever again (for sexual interest). The sacrifice would be losing relationship possibilities. While it's easy for someone to say "A woman with a loving and open mind will accept this as part of who I am," the fact is that most women will find it strange and difficult to accept. Why? Because it's a threat in two ways: 1) Sexual identity ("my man is showing a feminine side too prominently--maybe he secretly wants to be a woman or has gay tendencies?"), and 2) Sexual mistrust ("Maybe he finds this fetish more satisfying than me?"). Despite verbal reassurances to the contrary, once the perception is set it is very hard to uproot it.
On the other hand, the other sacrifice is to "mute" the fetish desire and try putting it behind you, in favor of keeping the risk out of relationships. If you have a strong satisfying sexual relationship with a woman, that could overshadow whatever joy you got from the fetish, allowing you to try "disowning" it. But the mind is a tricky thing. There may come a day when you're separated from your girlfriend or wife for a long period, or happen to a see a woman wearing tights in a very sexy way that conjures up old feelings that beg to be satisfied.
As I see it, the most important thing to do is find your own reasons for the origin of your fetish and try understanding what drives it on the subconscious level. I'm convinced it is deeply rooted in the feminine gender. If fashion tights were treated unisex in the time when you were born, you very likely wouldn't have developed this fetish. As I see it, the development is rooted in essentially two paradigms: 1) The need to get close to the feminine, 2) the need to become the feminine, or 3) a combination of both. Not being trained in sexual psychology, I don't know what the spread of these paradigms is, if any one of them is much more or less prominent than the others. I know for myself, it has been a combination of the two, but leaning more towards the first. Those who feel strongly about the second paradigm will be drawn to other garments like panties, bras, heels, and other clothing. I found myself curious enough to eventually buy some heels and see what it would be like. While the experience was rather "weird" in a mostly good way (interesting to see first hand how women have to precariously balance themselves in these), I didn't find it transforming or pleasurable enough to want to do this again.
For myself, I've found that this need to be close to the feminine without risk or complication (what you get when you're in a relationship) serves a purpose when convenient. Like having the security blanket that you've outgrown for the most part, but still keep tucked away for holding once in a while when things are tough. It was almost like an epiphany for me... the sexual desire at times can diminish rather drastically. It cannot go away completely, as once there is a history with something, it is with you for all time. But, I find that what brings me far more satisfaction is seeing women wearing tights and other tight hosiery in a sexy way. My wearing it kind of "interferes" with the focus, that being embracing the female, not wearing what she wears.
Anyway, I haven't ejected my "collection" as yet, but I'm going to start downsizing and consolidating my collection to eventually just the bare essentials: thick opaque tights for cooler months with a few lighter styles for in between warm and cool seasons. There are some that I can put on and lay down on my bed, feeling absolutely nothing attractive and more or less like "why am I doing this?" And yet, there are some that have an incredibly sensual stretchiness that feel fantastic when worn, making it hard to resist feeling sexually excited. That confirms it for me that there is definitely a tactile element involved.
¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ How a Tights Fetish Unfolded [PG-13] ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨ ¨¨
A very fascinating blog, I must say. You clearly are very deep and perspective of your own self and especially in sexual aspect.
ReplyDeleteYour analysis on why you feel attracted to the apparel of tights and hosiery based on wanting to explore and understand the opposite gender may very well hold some truth to a degree for all males who share this area of attraction. There is in fact distinct pattern common in human psychology that expresses a sexual attraction to that which is deemed abnormal or taboo in social lifestyle. Of course, this isn't the case 100% as there are many people who are attracted to clothing and concepts that are seen everywhere every day.
However, the way in which you deducted this point specifically isolates and focuses on the notion that this sexual practice is out of the desire for a male to have a romantic female figure in his life. Perhaps there is more psychological metaphor present in this scenario. It is philosophically considered that all living things have both the male & femaleness with in them. If you do eventually find a woman satisfies your need for such companionship, you may yet continue to see occasional attractions to your fetish. My advice is to not try to sacrifice this if it is something that is part of who you are, even if it seems to stand in the way of your ultimate desires. Don't fight with your intuitive, because as you've experienced yourself, it only creates voids and confusions.
RCDeschene, thanks very much for your insightful post. I must apologize for my late reply, as I took a hiatus on this blog for personal reasons.
DeleteI can only go by my own personal experience, as to what really fuels my desire to wear tights. I've been in a few really great relationships and during them the sexual need to wear tights either disappeared completely or was significantly reduced. But I do feel that the fetish is a duality. Part of it is being in contact with something perceived as female, which makes it a sexual act, but also transformative. Some of my fantasies have revolved around the tights holding me captive, forcing my gentalia to be morphed from male to female. On the other hand, I never ever stand among women in conversation wishing to be dressed as them.
The only real struggle I have with it is acceptance. I used to worry that it would diminish my sexual prowess, but actually I've found the reverse to be true. Wearing the tights has shown I have great sexual response. But if I worry about whether I'll be able to have the same response with women, it does the reverse. So, I need to let go and accept it as just another facet of my sexuality.
How about for you? What's your experience?
Hello Nyle Ahn! Your blog encouraged me to also write about my passion for pantyhose and try to understand what drove me to it and what do I get from it. As you say, it is all about finding peace, balance, between this fetish and the rest of the mundane life.
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to write. Would love to talk to you more about all this. Meanwhile, my journal is - nyleth.blogspot.com :)
Your blog was removed, nyleth. I hope it wasn't for administrative reasons. Whatever the case, I hope you find peace and balance as well. Good luck!
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