A stitch in time and a run can change your mind

In my last post, I brought up some ideas as to why a tights fetish can develop and perpetuate.  Of course this was a generalization, not a rule, as each person is different.  We all have our own unique psychological makeup that drives us, defines our needs, and affects the way we see things.

Some of us continue to carry shame for the fetish, while others embrace it or even try to ignore it.  In the end, what is most important is to find peace.  Sometimes finding that peace means making a sacrifice.  What do I mean?

Well, let's say you have grown to adore wearing tights and can't imagine never wearing them ever again (for sexual interest).  The sacrifice would be losing relationship possibilities.  While it's easy for someone to say "A woman with a loving and open mind will accept this as part of who I am," the fact is that most women will find it strange and difficult to accept.  Why?  Because it's a threat in two ways:  1) Sexual identity ("my man is showing a feminine side too prominently--maybe he secretly wants to be a woman or has gay tendencies?"), and 2) Sexual mistrust ("Maybe he finds this fetish more satisfying than me?").  Despite verbal reassurances to the contrary, once the perception is set it is very hard to uproot it.

On the other hand, the other sacrifice is to "mute" the fetish desire and try putting it behind you, in favor of keeping the risk out of relationships.  If you have a strong satisfying sexual relationship with a woman, that could overshadow whatever joy you got from the fetish, allowing you to try "disowning" it.  But the mind is a tricky thing.  There may come a day when you're separated from your girlfriend or wife for a long period, or happen to a see a woman wearing tights in a very sexy way that conjures up old feelings that beg to be satisfied.

Taking a moment to pause -- and ask why

[... I realize it has been a while since I've written.  Life has been a bit complicated on my side, and so priorities pushed this little blog into the corner, under a pile of debris.  But, as you can see I've returned, if only for a moment ...]

At this point, I feel like I want to wrap things up here.  From the details of my last post, there is a lot of repetition.  I date, the tights get tucked away, I stop dating and the tights come out.  Wash, rinse, and repeat... tumble dry.

So, I'd like to take a moment to reflect a bit upon my tights fetish.  Not only about why I have it, but why other guys have it as well.  I think each of us have our own unique story, with some closely paralleled to others. I've gone over my story in rather significant detail here.  I did not leave that much out (only what I considered repetitious or irrelevant).

Here's my take on a few reasons why us guys have a tights fetish:

1. Sexual intimacy with the female sex, in a safe and controlled way
2. Sexual excitement purely by the tactile sensation
3. Desire to momentarily be the opposite sex

I believe that the first reason is the most common one.  There's no question that tights worn for fashion has a strong female association.  An article closely identified with the opposite sex has a gender assignment.  Wearing it is in essence getting close to the opposite sex.  It is a very intimate and sensual garment. What tights do more uniquely than any other feminine garment is to completely snugly encase the lower half of the body and apply pressure to the groin.  In a way, it's a sensual thing feeling a snug enclosure from something feminine, almost like being "swallowed".  On top of this, the tights material simply feels very good against the skin.

Moving on...

[Carol and I continued to date for almost two years, and I did not seek to involve hosiery in our intimate moments.  I completely stopped wearing tights or unitards.  It was as if the fetish never existed for me.

All good things eventually come to an end.  I wasn't planning on that happening with Carol.  But somehow we were just in different places.  I wasn't ready to settle down, but for her the clock was ticking.  And so we parted ways.  Because we worked at the same place, it was tough having to run into each other nearly every day.  Eventually I changed jobs and moved out of state.]

It was a bit stressful being in a whole new place, with only one friend nearby.  The new job was a mixed situation as well.  While I felt very competent at what I was tasked to do, I was faced with a clique situation and I found it increasingly difficult to "win over" my co-workers.  They were a pretty tight knit little group.  I eventually transferred to another group in the company and that worked out much better.  Dating wise, there weren't any real prospects.  Most of the women at work were married, or in a serious relationship.  Those that weren't were not desirable to me.

In retrospect, I wish I'd had a lot more self confidence.  I was terrible with the club and bar dating scene, about the only venue I knew of to meet women.  I'd made some new friends at work and this was all they knew as well.  I tried to branch out and take some classes in the arts, in hope of meeting up with women in the "real world", but nothing came of that.

I still had a lot of boxes I'd not yet gone through at home, so I figured it was time to cut through them and get it over with.  Some boxes didn't have labels on them and so I left those for last.  Eventually when I got into them, I found one having a zip up duffel bag inside.  When opening that up, I found a tied off garbage bag.  And then inside that... a large collection of tights and unitards.  It was strange to see them again.  I felt oddly detached and yet was keenly aware of how I used to feel about them.  The red footed lycra tights stood out among the rest.  Touching them, I was curious to know if they would feel any different this time around.  So, I slipped them on...

New possibilities, to indulge or not

Now that my girlfriend knew of my fetish, the next thing was... what do I do now?  Did confessing mean I could now wear them in front of her?  Would she be alright knowing when I'm wearing them under my trousers?  Would she be open to the idea of wearing them together when we're indulging in foreplay?

The first step I took was to put them on in front of her while I would be getting dressed for work, completely covered by trousers except for my ankles.  She would make a few glances my way and smile at me when our eyes met.  She actually thought I looked good in them.  And I absolutely loved watching her slip into pantyhose, something she did often for her work "uniform".

The most dreaded fear and revelation

[Fast forward another couple of years...]

* * * * * * * *

At this point, I have amassed a collection of five unitards and about a dozen tights.  Some of the tights are from dance wear suppliers, so they're thick Lycra and seamed on the legs.  But most are women's tights that I've been able to buy from department stores.  There were plenty of trials and failures of buying tights that looked like they'd work out, but then I'd be sorely disappointed by the quality or the fit.  Eventually I found a couple of brands that actually fit me OK.  I started wearing them more often, like in bed and under my clothes.

But unfortunately, insecurity still lurked in the back of my mind.  I wasn't really afraid of rejection at this point, if I'd managed to get caught by a girlfriend (like her rummaging through a box or drawer of mine and finding the tights and unitards).  I feared that my indulgence with the tights was robbing me of my masculinity.   That while I wasn't dating, all of my "bonding" with the nylon stretchiness was forging a stronger tie.

Then I met Carol.

We were working together at the same office and finding that we have a lot in common.  She was rather cute, but engaged to be married, so this was a perfect opportunity to have a platonic girlfriend.  I hadn't had one in a long while.  It's tough with men and women... you need a special dynamic to have a friendship without a sexual angle.  They say that one or both people in a male/female relationship will have an attraction for the other person on a subconscious level, that with the right circumstances can be brought to the surface.  That's why you can be friends with someone for a good stretch, then one day you kind of "wake up" and realize that you're really attracted to them.  Well, with an official acknowledgement of intended betrothal, there was every good reason not to think about attraction.  She wasn't my "ideal" girlfriend.  And, there were other girls at work I was attracted to.  Funny enough, when I confided in Carol that I was attracted to Cindy, a statuesque brunette with super model looks, she sought to become her friend.  Cindy had a boyfriend who was a muscle head.  Of course, right?  But, from what I began to learn from Carol was that she wasn't happy with him.  He took her for granted and was outright rude at times.  Cindy was becoming ambivalent about staying with him.  That's why I decided to make my move. I invited her out to lunch.

Another one bites the dust...

 I certainly enjoyed the unitard while it lasted.  The crotch seam began to separate, but because it was a standard seam and not a flat one, it was fairly easy to repair.  I kept it going for about a year... until, another disappointment on the dating scene caused me to revisit the cause and take the blame out on the unitard.

The resurrection

[A year passed without a unitard or tights.  I eventually broke up with the girl I was dating, as I took a new job on the other coast and she was so rooted in her place that it just made sense to part ways.  She was really special... But she was my first love and I felt like I needed to explore relationships more.  In hindsight, she would've been a great choice.  I don't know who she settled with, but whoever he is, he's one hell of a lucky guy.]

Now I'm living in California.  Oakland isn't the most glamorous Bay Area city, by far, but it's very close to San Francisco.  It was great to finally get out to this part of the country.  I like it so much, I don't think I'll ever go back East.

Well, in getting used to my surroundings and making new friends, I figured that dating would be easier.  People in California are more easy going.  And with San Francisco having such a strong gay community, that means so many more available women!

[A few months go by...]