Exposure to ballet

After school, mommy would take us to the YMHA-YWHA for activities (Hebrew version of YMCA).  I was very interested in ceramics.  My sister was too, but mommy wanted her to study ballet.  She started classes at age 7.  She wore a black leotard and pink tights.  At first I was curious about the tights, but I didn't like the color.  Plus, I was taller than her and I knew they wouldn't fit.  I had no interest in the leotard.

I once had to go to a recital where I saw my sister dance.  She was in a line-up with a bunch of other little girls, all dressed in pink tights and tutus.  I did not want to be there, as I found it boring.  Then there was a boy who appeared.  He was wearing black tights and a white tunic.  I really liked his thick black tights.  There was not much to his role.  He danced around a bit, but mostly supported the girls.

My sister had a friend who was also taking ballet.  Her name is Debbie.  One time when me and my mother were waiting for Nina to finish her class, Debbie came over and sat down beside me.  I guess she was finished with her part.  She took off her shoes and rubbed her tights covered feet right in front of me.

I couldn't stop looking at her feet.  She saw me looking and smiled back at me.  I think she likes me, but I had no idea what to do.  She said "Hi."  I said the same back.  I then asked her if she likes doing ballet, and she said it's OK.  And completely surprising me, she mentioned how there are so few boys who do ballet and that I should join.  I got really uncomfortable.  Part of it was thinking about how great it would be to wear tights, but then I dreaded the stigma behind a boy doing ballet.  Before I could say anything, Debbie leaned forward and asked my mom directly!  My mom looked at me and then her and said "No, Nyle has too full a schedule."  I then shrugged my shoulders to her.

When we got around to leaving, I noticed there was another room around the corridor where some activity was going on.  I took a moment to go take a look, peering through the glass.  I saw a small ballet practice going on and between two girls was a boy, dressed very much like them but without a tutu.  He looked like he was having fun, by the look on his face.  I started thinking about the idea of doing ballet too... but I realized that even if I wanted to do it badly, mommy wouldn't let me.  She doesn't want me to wear tights and blocks my every attempt.  So I put the idea out of my head.

When we got home, my sister went to a friend's house for a sleep-over.  I was originally supposed to have a sleep-over with my best friend at his house, but he got sick and so it was canceled.  I stayed home.  Mommy got a baby sitter because she was going out with daddy somewhere.  The baby sitter's name is Lisa.  She's OK.  She reads a lot and likes to watch TV.  That's perfect for me, so I can go upstairs and be in my room and not be disturbed.  It also made it a perfect time to search for tights.

I didn't think of wearing tights as much as I used to (if you can believe that).  I looked at girls wearing them, but because I am taller than my sister and have bigger legs, her tights do not fit me well at all.  Even the newer ones.  So, I stopped thinking about wearing them.  What's the point?

Now I was all to myself with Lisa downstairs.  A rare situation that got me thinking about tights again. I went off to check my mommy's drawer to see what tights she might have, but I could not find them.  The magazines she would get showing women in fashion clothes did not show many wearing tights any more.  They used to show them a lot and I noticed this a lot.  I guess mommy was not interested in wearing them any more and put them away.  I looked in a few places to see if I could find them, but I didn't see any at all and gave up.  I was feeling more hopeless about my desire, and giving it more reason to let go.  So I tried...