Wrath of Mom, part II

It has been some months since I wrote last.  I do not know why I am not able to stop thinking about tights.  In school, there are so many girls wearing bright colored tights.  Some girls look sad to me, because the tights are loose and sagging on their legs.  But some girls look delightful where the fit is snug and their legs look so nice.  My favorite color is red, by far.  There was a girl named Tracey who had on very dark maroon tights.  She took off her shoes when she was sitting at her desk and wiggled her feet in the air with her toes pointed.  I was hypnotized by it and again, the teacher called on me when I wasn't paying attention.  I have to get good at not being noticed!

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When I got home, the first thing I did was to go to upstairs before my sister did, go to her dresser, and take the maroon tights.  I went back to my room and put them on.  They fit small, but I stretched them to fit.  I so wished they were thicker and longer.  But I liked them on me anyway.  I don't know why I like them so much, but I don't care so long as I am wearing them.

"Nyle!!"


Oh no!  *freeze*  My mother is standing at my doorway.  I don't know why I didn't hear her.  "What are you doing?  I told you never to wear tights again!  Take them off now!!"  I felt so horribly guilty, so scared.  I took off the tights and handed them to her.  "Nyle, promise me you won't do this again."  "OK, I won't mommy."  "You won't WHAT?"  "I won't wear the tights, I'm sorry."  "I don't want to have to tell you again."  "OK, ok."  And she left.  I could hear her open my sister's drawer and put the tights back.  She then walked past my room to glance at me for a moment while I put my pants back on, her face looking sour.  Then she went back downstairs.

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[I felt really guilty then.  But what was I to know, being just six years old?  In looking back on this, I really can't understand why my mother was so negative about this.  What was going on in her mind?  What did she fear?  This was the start of the 1970's.  Maybe there were some writings about homosexuality going around in the media and she feared I might become one?

What really saddens me about this dynamic is how different it could have been.  I have read some on-line testimonies about young boys showing some interest in tights, and their mothers letting them have a pair or two to "play with."  It's just a garment, and could be looked upon like socks or long underwear.  But perhaps some mothers fear that letting them indulge in it will only strengthen the interest, rather than appease it and let it fall away.  I remember reading a story about a little 4 year old boy who liked pocket books.  He wanted one of his own, so his mother got him one (a bright blue one that she found at a yard sale).  He carried it around with him for a few months, then he stopped carrying it.  He used it as a kind of portable storage container for a few items, but left it in his room.  Then one day, without any prodding from his mother, he emptied it and put it in his mother's closet with her other pocket books.  He was done with it.  Never became a cross-dresser.  Happily married and on with his life.

Of course, tights are a different story.  You don't carry them, you wear them.  And in the context of the 1960's, putting them on made your legs look like the legs of girls who were often seeing wearing tights.  I guess for some mothers, this was just too scary a thing to get wrong.  And like my mother, they simply make it forbidden in hopes that if not worn for a long enough time, the interest will be forgotten.  Oh how wrong my mother was about this.

I must admit that I did read one story where a boy was given tights to wear, to appease his interest.  And he kept wearing them, though discreetly.  He'd wear them on under his pants or around the house.  Apparently his mother even bought him a couple more pairs so he'd have more choices and clean ones to wear between washings.  Then one day, when he came back from summer camp, the tights were all gone.  She assumed it was enough and time for him to "grow up."  But he didn't lose his interest at all.  He kept his interest and still wears tights as an adult.]