Why did this happen to me?

I really didn't ask for it.  There was this desire, this curiosity that wanted to be satisfied.  I had no idea what was coming, what the consequences of my choice would be and how it would affect me for the rest of my life.  How could I know?  I was only a child.  I didn't have any clue of what subconscious cross association would take place.  A very big part of me for most of my life wished it had never happened.  How different my life might have been, I'd often lament.

So what choice could it be that is so horrible?  Well, the gravity of whether it is horrible or benign is strictly up to perspective.  For most of my life, I felt it was a kind of curse.  The choice, was to seek out and wear... tights.

What?  That's it?

It's not quite so benign sounding, when you consider the mind of a sensitive young boy, who is finding himself sexually confused by this interest and afraid for his future.  It wasn't a sexual thing at first.  Later, that would change.  But perhaps the best way to communicate all this is to start from the beginning.

It's a very long story.  I could write a short essay in a few pages, but the nuances of the experience would be lost.  I want to tell this story from the perspective of me, at the times I experienced it.  As a boy, getting older, dealing with this troubled part of my life.  The trauma, the joy, the fear, the ecstasy, the humiliation, and the revelation.  In doing so, I will be revisiting these memories for myself.  I have a terrific memory... I can remember far more than is good for me, because people who were part of my deep past (relatives and friends) often can't remember what I do, which leaves me alone with most of my memories.  Some of them are buried, awaiting excavation, so gradually revisiting the times they happened unearths them.  I get to experience them all over again, in a kind of duality--remembering how I thought and felt then, but also observing this as an adult.  My hope is in doing so, I also help bring some closure to any unresolved feelings lingering behind.  And, in kind, I do this in view of the public eye, so that those who share similar experiences can obtain some closure for themselves, gain some understanding about the fetish being an outsider to it, or satisfy a curiosity.

I don't know if I'll post every day, but I'll try to.  I may also have to go back and "fill in" some experiences that happened earlier, which I'll indicate with a band of asterisks between content.  I will also insert adult commentary, using brackets [like this].  I don't know how long this is going to take.  It might be a couple dozen entries.  I will try not to be too verbose.  There will be some things I remember that aren't really needed to say and would distract from other things more significant.  I will likely go back and trim down stuff I've written, if I feel it's too much.  In the end, I will make a self-analysis of the whole thing.  Maybe I'll have enough worthy of a degree in tights fetish psychology.  ;-)

And so, without further delay, I should get this thing started.  I hope you find it interesting and... beneficial, if you're someone who also has a tights fetish.  Maybe you've also struggled with it.  Or perhaps you've been lucky and had supportive people around you that you can trust.  I couldn't trust anyone.  My mother showed nothing but anger and intolerance.  Knowing my stepfather, I feared he would have labeled me a homosexual and sent me into intensive psychotherapy against my will.  I had to keep it secret.  But all those details will come out eventually.  So, I should get started...