Wearing tights to school

So it is over.  My mother caught me again and is now on the alert.  I don't have a chance at wearing the tights again.  If I get caught, she'd be so angry with me.  I must not do this again.  Tights are not for me.  I must think of something else.

[At this point, I am devastated at having been caught and resolve never to wear tights again.  I was sad, but then I was also determined to do the right thing.  Little did I know what was to come.]

* * * * * * *

It was the winter time when I wrote the last message.  It is now fall.  The leaves are changing to bright colors and the air is getting cooler.  Mommy took us clothes shopping and I got some new things.  My coat is navy blue and it looks like I am a navy guy.  I asked mommy for some high black boots, but she said I do not need any more shoes.  Nina got some clothes too, but I didn't see everything she got.  When we were finally home, we went upstairs to put the clothes away.  That is when I saw bright red.  Nina got some new tights, and one pair was red with twisty lines on the legs that you can feel.  New tights.  For my sister.  This is not good for me.

* * * * * * *

For a while I kept waiting for Nina to appear in her red tights.  It only happened once since she got them.  It seems so long since then.  [it was probably just a couple of weeks].  I checked her drawer and the tights remained in the same spot.  And then one day my classmate Janet wore red tights that looked very much like Nina's tights.  I wanted to wear them with Janet.  We could be tights buddies in class.  It was a dream that I knew wouldn't happen, but I couldn't help it.

Then something helped make it happen.  Nina spent the night at a friend's house.  So when I got ready in the morning for school, I thought to myself, why not?  And so I did.  I ran over to Nina's room, took the red tights, went back to my room and put them on really fast.  My pants were kinda long, so you could not see my ankles.  I was all set.

I put on my jacket by the back door, picked up my book bag, and gave my mother a good-bye hug.  I then reached over for the door handle, when my mother asked me to wait.  She turned me to face her, looked me over, then noticed my pants were long and bunched a little.  She bent down and grabbed the end of my pants on the right side, then using her fingers, she curled the pants up to form a cuff.  When she did this, my ankles were exposed and red was prominently peeking out.

 
Naturally, she noticed this and quickly figured it out, because I don't have any red socks.  "You're wearing your sister's tights!!  Oh Nyle, I can't believe you did this.  What did I tell you??"  "Mommy, I'm sorry, I'll go take them off now.  I'm sorry, sorry."  "No, it's too late for that, you have to get to school.  You'll just have to go like this."  "No, I don't want--"  "Nyle, this isn't up for discussion.  Now get going!"

I stepped outside the door and she abruptly closed it behind me.  I started walking to school, feeling deeply ashamed.  I had these tights on and while I wanted to wear them so much before, I now dreaded that they were on me.  I hated them!  I thought for a moment to take them off and just leave them behind the house, but I didn't have any socks on.  I couldn't go with bare feet in shoes!  So, I went to school with the tights on.  And I rolled my cuffs down to cover my ankles, naturally.

I was so lucky that it was not a gym day.  If it was, I'd be a laughing stock.  Anyway, it turns out Janet didn't wear any tights that day.  My plan had failed miserably.  It was a busy school day and I kind of forgot that I was wearing tights for most of it.  At the end of the day, I hurried home and found I'd gotten there ahead of mother.  I ran upstairs, took off the tights, put them back in the proper drawer, and went downstairs to watch TV.  Later, my sister came home along with mommy.  Everything seemed to be normal.  Mom didn't say anything to me about the tights, but she did give me a look when she first saw me that looked odd, like she was just a little angry at me.

I went to bed and thought about the day, about how Mom forced to wear tights against my wishes. [I didn't know what irony was then!]  From now on, I must not think about them or even look at girls legs when they're covered in tights.  For the moment, I am freed of wanting them.  I wonder if it will stay that way.  I hope so.

[I was so earnest in shedding my tights interest.  I just didn't want the aggravation any more.  And yet, I also had the strong memory of how good they felt to wear, and that I so wished that I could enjoy it again.  The irony presented the basis for an anguish that would haunt me for years to come.]